I Don't Need A Reason
by Kiya
Summary: What if you finally got to see the one you love after so long, but what if it was all wrong? Not that he doesn't love you, but something else entirely? Could you get him to remember, and yet succeed while the world was falling apart around you?
1. Tears Deeper Than Pain

I Don't Need A Reason Chapter 1: Tears Deeper Than Pain  
  
A/N: This takes place about 1 Year after Hitomi got back to Earth from Gaea. Also, I do not own Escaflowne. Wish I did, but hey, maybe someday^_^ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------  
  
With every tear Hitomi felt the pain even worse. With every teardrop she felt herself fall deeper in despair. The only thought that could come through the tears was "Van."  
  
Not a day went by without her thinking of him. Truthfully, she would sometimes feel so engulfed with feelings for him, which then she would start to cry. But now the tears were different. They were of pain and loss, not of longing and love.  
  
Over the past year that she was from Gaea she had kept a link with Van. It never wavered. They were able to speak to each other once in a while, but for a while now since she had the sudden feeling, she had tried and tried to talk to him, but nothing was happening. All she could contact was quiet.  
  
She looked closely at her pillow and saw that the cover was soaked through with salty tears. She couldn't remember how long she had been crying. Her heart hurt so badly that she knew it had to be long.  
  
The feelings had come so suddenly. First she had felt a sharp pain in her chest, a deep sadness, and then nothing. Nothing at all. This puzzled her but she tried and tried to sense Van with all her strength. The scary thing was that she felt emptiness. No feelings of any sort. Just everlasting black.  
  
What could have happened?  
  
When she thought of what the meaning could be, the tears started to flow freshly and all she could mumble was "Van." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Little to her knowing, the man that was totally on her mind, was in the same room as she at that time. The only problem was that he wasn't in physical form. People could even go as far to call him an apparition. He stood there for a few moments, and remembered what had happened before this time.  
  
The last he knew he was in Fanelia, and in a meeting with the most powerful nobles and diplomats of all Gaea, talking over alliances between the countries. The meeting had been planned for over three months, when the reconstruction of Fanelia was finally complete.  
  
As he was standing there, listening to some man drone about what he had done during the war, his thoughts wandered to the people involved in that time, himself included. Everyone he had seen lately had changed very much. He wondered how Hitomi was doing at the moment. Certain people that day, as all the rest, were asking about the strange girl who was rumored to be the savior of Gaea one-year ago. Many were unsure if one person could have done so much to save a world from being destroyed. It was true. Merle was usually the one to answer most questions. She loved retelling them. Also, she knew he didn't like talking about her when he could. It was still a touchy subject, even though he wouldn't admit it out loud.  
  
But he couldn't worry about that today. Today was too important. While looing around at all the people, he briefly remembered that there were a few people not present, but they had understandable excuses for their absences. Little did he and the others know, the ones absent were having a gathering all their own.  
  
This is when everything got him lost in the turn of events. He was talking to that previous person about the many changes that had happened after the Great War, he finally started paying attention, when he had heard a scream, and reacting to that, turned quickly, and saw a dark blur run through the crowd at incredible speed, towards him. Once he completely faced the unknown blur, he felt a sharp pain in the center of his chest. He tried to stay up right, but the impact of what ever that attacker did, he felt himself falling backwards, and slowly seeing darkness creep slowly across his area of vision. Once he felt the impact of the ground on his body, he closed his eyes to try and block the pain. Soon it stopped.  
  
But the thing was, when he opened his eyes, he was in a strange room. He was standing, not on the ground, and he had no pain what so ever. No a scratch. As he looked around him, he heard crying. He turned around, to face the sound, and saw a person on a bed. Strangely enough, the unidentified person was saying his name. He walked closer to the figure and saw that it was a female. She had familiar hair. He finally realized who it was. "Hitomi!" He ran the length of the room to get closer to her. Then, he realized that she didn't respond to his voice. And, why was she crying?  
  
He got as close as possible without actually touching her. "Hitomi, can you hear me? What's wrong?" Then it hit him. She couldn't hear him because of the circumstances. He touched her arm, and it went right through. Why was this happening?  
  
All of a sudden, deep inside him he knew it was time for him to go. He wanted to stay so much, but it couldn't come out. All he could say to her now sleeping figure was," I love you. I will see you again. Don't worry." He wanted to say more, but then he saw the room vanish in a flash of light.  
  
Just then, Hitomi shot up and saw a figure in light, and heard the words," I love you." The voice sounded familiar, but as she laid down again to sleep she thought," I love you too."  
  
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A/N: What do you think? I'd love to hear what you think. I have to admit, the second chapter is so much better than this one, but I have to post that one to show that it is true. Anyway, hope you liked it, and hope that you review. I want to hear ANY comments. Thank you for reading! 


	2. Thoughts

I Don't Need A Reason Chapter 2- Thoughts  
  
IMPORTANT A/N(concerning the characters): I have two things about this chapter. Sorry about the shortness, and two, I wanted to say something about the Tarot cards and Hitomi. The main reason that I will stress the whole point of the cards, is because that I have read in a lot of fics (and I am NOT insulting them by saying this) that after she came home, she dropped the cards completely out of fear(or other reasons) and would not use them. I don't believe that she would do this, in my personal opinion. The adventure on Gaea would have made her a stronger person, and have more confidence in her powers. It was a scary experience, no doubt, but she would be less dependent of them, and more cautious. It is just the way that she used them, and the dependency of them to her on Gaea, I don't think that she would hate them, or have a deep fear of them. This is just MY opinion. Remember, MY opinion. This type of idea I will base a lot of my plot and character's development. Like Van's dependence on Escaflowne, Merle's dependency on Van, etc. They did make those points of development in the series, later, but I want to continue the idea that they have grown up, and this would have to do a lot with their decisions. ANYWAYS! I wanted to state this because this is a major point in this fic. Well, on with the show!!! Also, I do not own Escaflowne. No way, no how. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------ It still made no sense. It has been a month since that strange occurrence had happened. Not a day in that month had gone by without Hitomi trying to make sense about what all that had meant.  
  
The connection she had with Van had been severed. But that could have happened for many reasons. Plus, the things that she remembered could have been a dream. But, if it was real, that could mean he was...  
  
"No!" I won't think that," Hitomi told herself out loud. Thankfully no one was around to hear her outburst. She was at home, all alone because her parents were out for dinner, their "togetherness" thing, and her brother was at a friend's house, probably rotting his brain out with video games and such. It was good to be home alone every once in a while. With the house being so quiet, it was almost tranquil.  
  
She usually didn't have that. Ever since she came home, her family kept her close. Too close sometimes. But that was good usually, to be loved like that. She was gone for almost three months and her family only became more worried when she spaced out. The only person she told anything totally truthfully to was her mother. She was the only person that understood, or she thought would understand.  
  
The reason was that her grandmother told her mother about what happened to her on the short time on Gaea. Her mom covered for her telling the rest of the family that there was nothing to worry about, and that Hitomi would tell them everything when she was ready. Not even Hitomi was sure when that was, but her father and brother understood and everything turned normal. She was very glad for that.  
  
Her thoughts jumped again, it was the thing that haunted her thoughts everyday for more than a year. She still wanted to go to Gaea even though she chose to go home in the first place. It wasn't like she did not like her life! It was great.  
  
Her family was safe, her friends close, and school was going fine. It was just that, she felt strange on Earth, her home. Ever since her adventure, she had a different outlook on life. Life wasn't just about getting a high grade on a paper, or getting this guy to like you. It had meaning now. The little things meant almost nothing now. Life was made to live, not worry.  
  
But ever since she saw that light in her room and heard that voice, she felt compelled to go. Every day she felt that more. Besides that, she wanted to know how Van was. How Merle, Allen, Millerna, and everyone else was also. She missed them terribly. "Either way, there is nothing I can do now so I better keep my head on this planet for now," she thought to herself, while sitting down on her bed.  
  
She looked around her room. It was the same as it had been for the past two years. The same bed, desk, door, and most of her things were the same too. The only difference was the recently scattered papers on her desk, some books, and a few recent pictures and little things.  
  
Those little things were results of her shopping and finding something that would remind her of the other, unseen planet. A stuffed cat, a miniature sword and a dragon figurine. All fairly small things, but very important to her. But out of everything, there was one drawer that she kept her most sacred and important things.  
  
She thought for a moment about what was in the drawer. Her Tarot cards were in there, and thinking about it now, she was still slightly shocked that she still used them after her adventure in Gaea. In the back of her mind, she always doubted that she shouldn't really use them, just to put them away and never look at them again. But, after thinking about it for a while after she came home, she decided that she should still use them. They were not an evil thing that caused bad things to happen, but a medium that showed her the future. It wasn't her fault or the cards' fault that negative things would happen, but it was in the future, and of all people she couldn't have helped that. Gaea had taught her this.  
  
Stopping her thought process, she crawled to the left side of her bed, and reached for her desk drawer. She pulled it out all the way, and reached for the box she kept the cards in.  
  
As she pulled it out and set it on her bed, a few memories surfaced. The first time she saw Escaflowne, the first and last time she did a reading on Gaea, and someone... She shook her head. She had to stop and focus.  
  
She pulled the cards out and shuffled them until she felt like stopping. As she pulled the first card off the top, to place it on her bed to start the layout, all of a sudden...  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------ Another A/N: Thank you for reading. Don't you hate endings like that? Personally they drive me nuts, but I am in control!!! Any and all comments are appreciated. 


	3. Unknowing

I Don't Need a Reason Chapter 3- Unknowing  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything applied to Escaflowne, not the plot, characters, or the whole anime itself. I own this story though. Just this tiny thing in the vast world. (Makes you feel small)  
  
A/N: A thing was brought to my attention via a review (thanks Angel-Fergie especially for the reviews^_^) about Hitomi. Well, it is true in the series that she told her friends at the station that she gave up fortunetelling, but here in this story(and in my opinion) she still does readings and such, but not for others because of what happened on Gaea. For example, what happened with Allen, where she tore open old wounds, and caused pain. See, she can learn! I just had to clarify that, for people who thought that I was making no sense, or just wanted to make a point (that I am glad that they pointed out!) Anyways, back to the story.  
  
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"RING!" Hitomi jumped as far as she could without leaving her skin. The cards she was holding and starting to place jumped with her and flew all around a radius of a few feet. "Damn! I'll have to pick them up," she said obliviously talking to herself. "RING!" "I forgot what started this." She crawled over to her desk and picked up the phone.  
  
"Hello?" she asked the person on the other end. "Hi," answered the other voice, and then silence proceeded. Hitomi usually got calls like this, and she knew how to handle them. "Who's this?" "Guess!" said the other voice again. Hitomi smiled. She knew who it was the whole time, but she still loved messing with her mind.  
  
She answered back trying not to laugh out loud, "My conscience?" "Hey! It is not and you know it!" The voice was mad. "I know it's you Yukari. I was messing with you. Geez, and your the one with a sense of humor. So, what are you doing?" "Calling you. Telling you something when I'm done with this sentence. So, here it is."  
  
A big breath was heard on the phone. 'Here it comes,' Hitomi thought. "There's a track meet on Saturday, and today's Friday, so I think we should go. It would be good for you. So, are you going to go?" This was all said very fast. Hitomi was quiet for a moment. Yukari wanted her to go, maybe she should. Maybe not. "I don't know Yukari. I mean, I may be busy."  
  
"Come on, please? I don't want to go all by myself. Since you took leave of track, you hardly go. Even to watch. Please?" Hitomi gave in to the whiny please. She always did. "Ok, but you have to by treats later."Ok! Hey, I got to go, so see you tomorrow!" And with that, the line when blank. Hitomi set down the receiver.  
  
As she started to pick up the briefly forgotten cards, she let her mind wander to the time a year or so ago when she came home. If she remembered right, she only had one feeling, depression. At that time she did as much as possible to keep her mind off things, and the only ideas that she had was school and track. But then, it wasn't all that easy to deal with people around her giving into rumors, and they got bad after a while. Her family told had told everyone in the beginning that she had been on a personal vacation, but no one believed that since they knew that her family had been worried sick while she was missing.  
  
The rumors went from the range that she was kidnapped, sexually assaulted, a mental hospital survivor, or a brief runaway. The worst was from the track team. Then, feed up, she quit track. The way that her fellow students looked at her in contempt was too much for her. She didn't want to deal with it. She had other things to be unhappy about, that were actually worth her time. And since then, she hadn't gone back to the team. And after a while, everything did get better, and she went back to a normal routine  
  
But Van. She was still connected to him then. They were still able to talk then in the way the way that they did for the year or so that she was home and him on Gaea. Every once in a while, they would talk, just to say "Hi" and ask a few questions. They never really wondered why they were able to do this, but both were happy about it, so asked no questions.  
  
Then, the thought of him made her happy. But still, she didn't know what to make of what happened a month ago. All she remembered is that she was crying, and then she began to feel sleepy, and she heard a voice. She knew whatever the voice said, made her feel better, but for the life of her she couldn't remember. She was a bit worried about Van because they hadn't talked in a long while, but she tried to think positively. There still was one thing though..  
  
She couldn't think about him. It hurt every time. Every single time. She wanted so bad to think of him. His voice, his hair, the way he talked, or how he was always there. Or how much she loved him.  
  
She didn't realize that till she was in that column of light going home, away from him. He told her once to be strong for him, and that thought made it a little better. It helped her go through her life, and helped her become more whole.  
  
But every time she thought of him still, tears came to her eyes. She couldn't help it. It wasn't that she wanted to, they just came. First slowly, then fast.  
  
When she finally snapped out of her thoughts, she saw tears on her hands, the ones holding the cards, now picked up. When the blurring was better, she saw the top card, the Lovers card. The tears, like a fast, swift river hurried down her face. She sat on her bed and cried a little more. Then she started to take deep breaths, trying to stop the pain in her chest, and calmed down soon. She long ago resolved never to let it go too far. It only made her remember, have pain, and make it all worse. Downhill wasn't the way she wanted to go.  
  
To keep her mind and hands busy, she put the cards away hastily and started to pick up her already clean room. Soon after rearranging her room to her liking, only putting books and papers in order and neat piles, she heard her front door open and close. Her parents were home and most likely picked up her brother too. She got up from kneeling in her closet, and walked out her door to the stairs, down the stairs to the living room.  
  
She had to smile while watching her brother reenact a video game, or the best parts in his opinion. He was waving around his arms in an airplane fashion, saying, "Like this mom! I blasted him away so fast, he probably didn't even blink!" Hitomi laughed. She couldn't help but make a comment. "Yea, and then you were gone!"  
  
Her mom turned around to her at the comment, "Hello Hitomi. Had fun with the quiet? Your father and I brought home dessert, ice cream. Would you please go and gather the bowls and spoons?" She hugged her mom first. "Yea, sure. As long as it's good." Her mom smiled. "Ok. Hurry before it melts."  
  
Her brother told some joke, and her parents started to laugh while she walked into the adjoining room, the kitchen. She couldn't help but smile as she walked past the fridge to the cabinets. As she was pulling the things asked for, she felt someone come behind her. "Mamoru, you could have waited another minute. It couldn't have melted that fast."  
  
She waited for her brother to answer. It was silent throughout the house for what seemed like forever. She only heard her breathing, and another's. The breathing sent chills down her spine, a way too familiar feeling of long past.  
  
Then, she heard a deep, male voice laughing low. Very low. She almost didn't hear it. Then, she felt a hand on her right shoulder, gripping it tight enough to hurt, and the breathing was getting closer to her left ear. She could feel the man's breath on her ear. It was so close that the warmth of it felt almost like fire. The fire soon increased as the voice spoke," Just you wait. Not much longer now."  
  
She gasped and nearly dropped the things she was holding, all forgotten, as she spun around to face the voice. No one was there. Just as she started to shake her head to clear it, she heard her dad's voice from far away, but it seemed to far away for him being in the living room. It sounded like she was in a thick, soupy fog, but there was none. Soon it decreased and he was saying clearly, "Hitomi! Is everything alright? Do you need help?"  
  
Hitomi gathered herself and answered. "No dad. I'm coming."  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------ A/N: Hope you liked it! Chapter 4 coming soon. *Star War's theme plays* Music! But, I don't own that. Darn. Love to hear any comments. 


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